Chronic illnesses are surprisingly common and include diseases like diabetes, lupus, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s disease. People with chronic illnesses often experience daily symptoms such as pain, fatigue, depression, and other symptoms. These discomforts can significantly impact their quality of life. However, chronic illness doesn’t just affect the person who has the official diagnosis. It also impacts the lives of family members and friends.
If your partner has recently been diagnosed with a chronic disease, you may be wondering what to do next. It’s natural to feel a little anxious and unsure as you navigate this challenging new territory and its impact on your relationship. Prolonged illness can challenge any relationship, but it can also become an opportunity to grow closer than you’ve ever been. Here’s how to be a supportive partner to someone with a chronic illness.
Surprise Them With Thoughtful Acts
Living with a prolonged illness can feel a lot like a roller coaster. One day, you might feel wonderful with few to no noticeable symptoms. The next day, you might struggle to get out of bed due to pain, nausea, or a host of other symptoms. As your loved one tries to navigate the unpredictability of their life, it’s natural for them to struggle with their mental health. You may feel like a helpless bystander, but you can have a powerful, positive influence on your loved one’s mood.
Surprising your partner with random, thoughtful acts may be just what they need to make it through a particularly difficult day. You could bring them breakfast in bed, write a heartfelt note, or watch a favorite comedy together. If your loved one is in a hospital or long-term care facility, visit frequently to lift their spirits. You could also send them a get-well gift such as a basket of comfort foods, cozy slippers, or a comfy throw.
Learn About Their Condition
Knowing how to be there for someone is hard when you have no idea what they’re going through. Ask your partner to explain in detail what their disease feels like, both physically and emotionally. Listen with empathy as they describe their symptoms and how they feel about their various limitations. If your partner is the type of person who prefers to suffer in silence, they may downplay their inner turmoil. Be patient and let them know you’re a safe person to confide in when they’re ready to open up.
In addition to listening to your partner’s firsthand experience with their condition, do some research on your own. Learn as much as you can about available treatments and remedies. Find medical professionals who specialize in your partner’s particular illness. Bring your findings to your partner, but never pressure them to pursue a particular treatment or course of action. Let them decide on their own time how they want to deal with their illness, then support them in their decision.
Keep Lines of Communication Open
Communication is crucial for maintaining strong relationships in general. But it’s especially important when one person in a relationship has a chronic disease. You need to be able to discuss how you’re feeling if you expect to keep the relationship strong through hard times. Both partners should feel comfortable addressing their own needs, feelings, and frustrations. Holding feelings inside could lead to resentment and potentially damage the relationship.
Encourage your partner to let you know if you’re adequately supporting them or if there are areas where you can improve. You should also be able to tell them if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need some time to rest and re-energize. It’s better to take a short break than it is to push yourself to the point of caregiver burnout. If you do leave for a little while, make sure a friend or family member can check in on your loved one until you return.
Be Patient and Avoid Pointing Fingers
When you’re not the one living with chronic health symptoms, it’s easy to harshly judge your partner’s actions. For example, you might silently chide them for spending so much time in bed instead of walking around and staying active. Or you might wonder if some of their symptoms would improve if they just ate a vegetarian diet like yours. It’s easy to point fingers when you view things from an outsider’s perspective.
What you may not realize is that your sweetheart stayed in bed today because she couldn’t stand up without feeling nauseous. Or maybe your spouse doesn’t want to adopt a vegetarian diet because he feels his best after eating a hearty steak. Be patient when your partner makes lifestyle choices you wouldn’t necessarily make. What you think is best may not be the best solution for someone else. Reserve your judgment and focus instead on loving and supporting your loved one through their challenges.
Nurturing a relationship when chronic illness is involved can be challenging, but it can also be exceptionally rewarding. Givers and receivers of care can develop a deep and fulfilling bond, especially when there’s no judgment or resentment involved. Use these tips to become the supportive partner your loved one needs. You’ll be rewarded with a deeper, more meaningful connection that can conquer any health challenge.
