During the pandemic, the world got used to limited social interactions, and some people found it a whole lot easier to live this way. If you spoke to anyone at all, it was usually over text message or through Zoom. You could even fake direct eye contact by looking directly at the camera on your phone or laptop. When you did have to go outside, a mask often hid your facial expressions so you didn’t have to.
As the world opened back up again, even the most social butterflies found they’d lost the ability to easily converse with others. Meanwhile, those who’d found relief in digital distance were forced to once again reckon with their social anxiety demons. If you fall into either of these categories, you might be struggling to build relationships and find a sense of community. Whatever your reasons, here are some ways to hone your social skills and meet new people.
1. Try a Fitness Group
One of the fastest and easiest ways to make friends is to join a sports team or workout group of some kind. Most areas have dozens of free groups you can discover online through sites like Meetup and Eventbrite. On those sites, you can find people doing everything from running marathons to doing calisthenics or parkour on playground equipment. You can also try visiting your local community center or looking for city- or town-sponsored sports leagues and events.
The benefits of group fitness are many: you can practice your social skills with happy, healthy, like-minded people. The endorphins from exercise — and the distraction having an activity to focus on — can make you feel less anxious about chatting. You’ll already have a built-in topic of conversation, in the form of the sport or skill you’re working on. Since many people join these groups to make friends, they’ll naturally be approachable and in the mindset to connect.
2. Take a Partner Dance Class
Okay, technically speaking, taking a dance class isn’t all that different from joining any other type of fitness group. But this one still deserves a category of its own for all the ways it can change your life for the better. Recent studies have shown that dance can boost mood and may have significant benefits for people who suffer from depression. Research has also shown that specifically partner dance can improve self-confidence and social functioning.
In a partner dance class, like salsa, bachata, kizomba, or West Coast Swing, you rotate around the room dancing with different people. Every few eight-counts, you get to practice looking a new person in the eye, eventually building trust and friendships. While holding hands with all these strangers can initially be intimidating, it only takes a few classes to get used to it. As your skills start to grow, you can attend social dance events and get to know all kinds of dancers.
3. Read a Book or Study Up
There are a number of powerful books that you can use to study and craft your own set of social skills. Dale Carnegie’s 1936 book How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the oldest examples, but thousands more have come out since. While books aren’t enough without regular practice, they can be a useful starting point for skill-building. They can teach you how to keep conversations going, be more engaging, and ask better questions.
If virtual learning is more your speed, there are many free or affordable social skills classes available online. From Coursera and Skillshare to dedicated social skills training programs, there are options to suit nearly everyone’s needs and budgets. If you’re not in the market for a dedicated class, you still have online learning options. YouTube, Reels, and TikTok all have creators dedicated to helping people learn social skills.
4. Join an Online Community
Beyond simply watching videos online — a rather solitary process — you also have the option to join an interactive online community. For example, many people have built social skills and long standing friendships through online gaming. Many multiplayer console games, like Halo and Fortnite, let you chat with other teammates over your mic while playing. To meet new people to play with, you can try asking in an online community like Discord or Reddit.
Speaking of Reddit, the site has a whole entire social skills community on its online platform. On the social skills Reddit, you can read about and ask for advice on building specific social skills. Reddit, in general, can be a good place to meet people with similar interests, through its thousands of different community threads. Many Redditor communities also host in-person meetups, and you might be able to find one in your area.
Get Help If You Need It
For some people, difficulty in social situations isn’t just a minor inconvenience or happenstance occurrence. It can be linked to a more serious mental health issue like anxiety, depression, or post traumatic stress disorder. Neurodivergent folks, like those on the autism spectrum, or with Tourette’s or ADHD, may socialize differently than others. People with disabilities that cause behavioral issues or differences can also struggle with socializing.
Regardless of the root cause of your difficulty socializing, there may come a time when you need more help. If that’s the case, it might be best to seek professional help, rather than relying on free groups or study materials. Many licensed therapists have experience and even specialized training helping people improve their social skills. If an individual therapist is out of your price range, group therapy or a free support group may be a more economical option.
